Showing posts with label Santa Fe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Santa Fe. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Autumn Poems - Equinox


Cottonwood, Santa Fe

 There are some cottonwoods across the canyon that usually turn quickly and early, but not this year. They are still mostly green. There was a day in late September, 2018, when I was rounding the patio, to go down into the basement to do wash at ten in the morning, and glanced across the canyon - all the cottonwood leaves were mostly green. When I went to retrieve the clothes from the dryer at noon - most of the leaves on one cottonwood were yellow. 

An entire tree changed in two hours.  
That night I wrote the poem below. 

Sangre de Cristo Mountains

There's melancholy in Fall. Leading up to Halloween and Day of the Dead, the veils between worlds (whatever worlds you choose) become thin. Things are lost, things are transformed. And there is that strange excitement brought on by these brilliant changes. 

Beauty and grief. The Great Pumpkin Waltz, by Vince Guaraldi, contains both. I especially like the version recorded by Chick Corea. I've posted that after the poem.
 
Bosque del Apache, New Mexico

Autumnal Equinox
1.

Dead lizard inside a window-hinge well. Brittle,
nothing but a skin-shell. Must have been folded-in,
crushed last fall. How long before death was welcome?
I hold the paper-light body in my palm. Individual
scales drift off. Grey snow, death seeds. They mate
with mint leaves. Next year, haidomyrmex ants will
emerge from the earth.

2.

Grey skies. The last pear sways in the wind.
I think of so many children's school photos: that
eager smile, those sad eyes. Can you love me?
Can I be loved?

3.

The old feeling that everything is illusion has
returned. Mars burns above Picacho, taunts me.
Spears, helmets, a trigger finger; children's shoes,
empty. No way to find the touch that's real. Shadows
at the corner of the eye. A bird or spirit or ghost-hive
plunges through the dark.

4.

Yesterday, while doing laundry, a cottonwood
across the canyon turned yellow. It happened
between ten and noon. Later, we stood together,
staring, taking it in, stunned innocent as lizards –
what is this world?

5.

War and work, always there, always waiting.
Someone stole my credit card info, was flagged
across town. They were desperate, I was desperate.
A moon crests the ridge, one of a thousand that will
rise tonight. Lit from behind, the mountain's head
and shoulders are still, waiting, poised to strike. 

6.

Everything has become a cave painting, exposed
in the light, exposed by the cool wind. Our eyes
whirl in dark sockets. Hummingbirds battle among
pear leaves. They drink from my body, from yours,
and during the night, they dip long beaks into the space
where lizard scales have fallen away.

7.

I sit on the stone wall, look down into the canyon:
streetlights, lights of houses. I keep slipping in and out
of so many worlds. Past, future. Indigo worlds, parchment
worlds, worlds without name. At the base of the pear tree,
stringy cowpen daisies glow with their own light. 



Sunday, December 31, 2017

New Year's Eve 2017: Eldorado, New Mexico



This morning Michaela and I were in Eldorado, a small town just south of Santa Fe. Although only a twenty-minute drive from where we live, Eldorado seems to always have a slightly different weather pattern. When its dry here, it's snowing there. When it's light here, it's dark there. Strange winds blow through Eldorado, winds we jokingly (and sometimes not so jokingly) call: "Bruja/Brujo winds." Witch wind…


 But that's not what I want to talk about…

From anywhere in town you get a shot of the Cerrillos Hills to the west. They look dusty and cragged, probably because black and gray shale is widely exposed across the hills. 

Standing in an empty parking lot this morning, studying them, I thought, because of how ancient they are - the sense that they have been keeping watch for so, so long

- how they could be related to something I sometimes feel inside my body when I am going through intense emotions (terror, joy, grief…from the death of a loved one, a life-threatening situation, love lost…) 

- an eye that watches it all, extremely curious, thinking "oh, this is interesting…" 

I suppose I could put this down to detachment or dissociation from the emotion, but that doesn't really do the sensation justice - because while this "watching" is happening, I am still feeling the emotion burning through all my cells…


And so, the new year's eve poem:


Eldorado, New Mexico,
New Year's Eve Morning

Leaves scrape across an empty parking lot.

Purple, brown shades in the nearby brush. Faint tints of red.

A rabbit waits beneath the brush, imitating the dead.

Across the flats, silhouette of the Cerrillos hills, cragged
                      and dark with shale, ancestors
   of that part of us that keeps endless vigil; a curious eye,
                                                 through fire, grief, fear, loss…

The dead leaves move towards me.

Wind rustles the rabbit's fur, my hair.

Winter's colors deepen.


********

Happy New Year!





Thursday, December 14, 2017

First Day of Snow




More Beauty & Terror



It snowed last Thursday, December 7, and that was the first snow of the year. I woke up, looked out the bedroom window, saw a white void. The entire canyon where I live was enshrouded inside a snow cloud. It was so thick I couldn't see the apple trees lining the coyote fence that are only about ten paces from the window. 

At first, the snow flying around was small, tiny particles, but then became large flakes, flakes stuck to flakes, and the ground was eventually covered. Around noon, the cloud began to thin and clear.

By December, it usually has snowed here in Santa Fe at least twice - more up in the foothills and mountains. Because it hasn't snowed at all this fall, the snow brought up that dread and anxiety I feel when thinking or reading about Climate Change (the summers here are starting to become viciously hot; and most winters are now mild...and Santa Fe is at 7000 feet!).  

Ah, yes, Climate Change: 
the great horror in the mind that we've so desperately tried to make invisible, to erase from every day view. The US is probably the only place left on earth where news outlets still allow crank scientists - paid by oil companies - to talk and babble and keep refluxing their tired ideas that have no basis in fact. 

I have always thought that the desperate urge to believe these cranks is because the horror of Climate Change (the destruction of something so essential and unprecedented as the cycles of nature) is too vast for many to absorb. It's easier to look away, call it all a hoax - like those who keep claiming that all the gun massacres are hoaxes, desperate to cling to their vision of how the world should be - not how it is.

(Believe me, I know how hard it is to see the world as it actually is, but the only way to peace - internal, external - is to see what is right there in front of you...however painful...).


And so thoughts of Climate Change got me to ruminating about those things in this culture that are right out there in plain sight and yet remain invisible, something we see at the corner of the eye, and continually dismiss. 

There are so many of these things that I can't go into the list here...except one:

The wars, so many wars, that the US military is engaged in around the world...

...the war in Afghanistan (in its sixteenth year),the war in Iraq (in its fourteenth year), Libya, Somalia, the skirmishes and black ops all over Africa (as the recent deaths of soldiers in Niger have made clear), in the Philippines...


The carnage and bodies (civilians, children) has increased exponentially in the last ten years.



And so the snow fell through the morning, until about noon. It was beautiful. I have always been entranced by snow. Even when I have to shovel it. Even when it makes the roads treacherous. It calms me. It buries the noise of the world for a little while. It buries the noise in my head for a little while. It illuminates the tracks of animals that normally slink and pad through the night undetected.

In the face of such beauty, the fear, sorrow, and anger continued. Once again, beauty and terror. The beauty and terror moved through me throughout the weekend. The snow has melted, but the thoughts continued. Last night I wrote this (still a work in progress):


First Snow of the Year

1.

The topmost pear branch is a deer femur.

Magpie claw-prints are visible for a few seconds,
then fold into stone.

A perfect sphere of snow gathers on top
of the last standing post of a fallen fence.

Old borders, buried.

2.

Things that were invisible before - fallen
branches and dead stalks, a gopher's hole - 
become visible as snow settles.

A hollow sunflower stalk, head bent down,
bearing the weight of the entire snow cloud,
scans the trees ahead, then begins to move -
stiff, limping - carrying his dead daughter's
possessions on his back. It is all he has. All
that lies between himself and death.

3.

The wars go on and on. Many years ago, they
became invisible, faded into the background.
No war news anymore. When did that happen?

We go to work, come home, eat dinner, talk, 
remark how the moon makes the shadows of things -
     trees, stones, parked cars, houses, walls -
                more real than the things themselves...

4.

Bright moon, clear sky: bone-light on blue snow.

Beyond the bedroom window, something moves.
                        I turn slowly, want it to be a face,
a stranger's face, asking for something,
                                                                a sacrifice -

                        a finger bone, an eye, the part
                 of me that lives inside a cholla thorn
                        lit orange by the setting sun -

but there is nothing there. There is never anything there.




Organizations:






Articles:




"Every country destroyed or destabilized by U.S. military action is now a breeding ground for terrorism." 





Thursday, November 3, 2011

Days of the Dead...and a Labyrinth

I don’t know when I first discovered the celebration of Dia de los Muertos, but it seems now as if I've always celebrated it, was born into the tradition.  

Day of the Dead is a Mexican Holiday that takes place on the Catholic holidays of All Saints’ Day (November 1) and All Souls’ Day (November 2). There is probably a connection to an Aztec festival dedicated to the goddess called Mictecacihuatl.

One of the traditions is to build a private altar honoring those you’ve known who have died, using sugar skulls, marigolds, and favorite foods and drink of the dead. There is also a visit to graves - eating, drinking, and talking with the dead.  

John Berger once said in a conversation with Michael Ondaatje (Lannan Foundation Podcast): ‘What makes us human is the ability to live with the dead.’  The dead are all around us.  How is it possible NOT to see them?  

Where mega-capitalism and micro-technology meet there is incredible speed. The combination promises a fast ride to a glorious future. Much of mainstream US culture is about the future. The future - a favorite word of US politicians. Everything will be fine...IN THE FUTURE (an example would be Obama’s last State of the Union address and his stunningly vacuous rallying cry of 'winning the future'). The joke everyone already knows is this: the future will always be 'in the future'. A race to the future is futile - you constantly have to pick up the pace because it’s forever receding into the distance. 


Speaking and listening to the dead is something that happens outside that swirl of chaos. The dead are outside of time. 'Racing toward the future' is just another attempt to outpace death. There is such a pathological fear of death in mainstream US culture that acknowledging the dead in this way – not in some untouchable past, but as peers, living in the here-and-now – can help alleviate a bit of that culturally-induced paranoia. Eating, drinking, and talking with the dead puts me in touch with a continuum, helps me understand that I am in a lineage – there are those who have gone before me, those who will go after me. It helps me understand that I am involved in an ‘unsolvable’ mystery that is constantly going on all around me. Birth, death, birth, death...the continual turning of the wheel…

With that in mind, I leave you with a seven part prose poem written in Santa Fe, New Mexico, the week after Dia de los Muertos in 2006. It’s an odd piece. So, a bit of background: 

I worked at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Santa Fe (if you’re from Santa Fe, it's known as Saint Victim’s), and from the back parking lot you can see the Jemez mountain range (where Los Alamos is located). For two years I spent a couple of minutes every morning looking at that range before going into the hospital. Over time, I began to feel that my paternal grandmother, a great storyteller who had died in the early 90’s, had become part of that mountain range. Or maybe she was that mountain range. I don’t know why.  Later that year, when burning dried herbs on All Souls’ Day, I felt that same presence in the area around my apartment. She was no longer a mountain range, had become something different (those spirits…always changing, shape-shifting...go figure).  

Santa Fe is located near many of the facilities involved in the making of nuclear weapons: Los Alamos, Sandia Labs, Kirtland Air Force Base, and, much further south, the White Sands missile range. What is so frightening about the production of these weapons is that it is so invisible. Much of the economy in the surrounding area, and all over the country, is intricately linked with Department of Defense weapons production. 

Santa Fe is a town of Labyrinths. Literally. There’s a labyrinth in front of the Cathedral, one out at the museum of international folk art, and there is a Labyrinth Resource Group that has built labyrinths at eight different elementary schools in Santa Fe (how can you not love a town that does that?). Whenever I walked down Griffin Street in the evening, I would always walk the three-circuit labyrinth at Carlos Gilbert Elementary school.




The poem is meant to be somewhat like walking a three-circuit labyrinth. In a three-circuit labyrinth the way in is the same as the way out - there is only one path. In the poem, the labyrinth is Santa Fe, the labyrinth is my mind; my mind and Santa Fe, linked. 

So, three turns in, arrival at the center, and three turns out. Sections 1 and 7 are the entrance and exit, echoing each other (there is a play between my grandmother as ‘guide’ and the final spider in the hospital bathroom - a reference to Spider Woman or Spider Grandmother, the one who weaves the stories that hold all the worlds together).

Sections 2 and 6 are the same turnings – but one is going in and the other going out (nuclear weapons production in contrast with a storm). Sections 3 and 5 are related in the same way, so there are echoes between them also (the ‘chatter’ mentioned in Section 3 comes from a moment when I was sitting in the park next to the cathedral and a businessman walked by, talking into a headset, and, because the technology was new and I had not seen it before, it looked as if he was just another crazy in the park muttering to himself).   

Section 4 is the center, taking place at Heron Lake, a small lake on the New Mexico/Colorado border, north of Santa Fe.

Enough. It begins with the burning of dried herbs. A spirit appears out of the smoke…



Labyrinth: Days of the Dead


The way out is the way in


1. Entrance

Sage-smoke weaves around yellow leaves, wraps a black trunk. Heat-crack from a hollow stem. You appear, half-blind (but this is not you as I once knew you, this is you as you are now - half-formed, half-smoke).

I want to return to that dim-lit kitchen, watch your bent hands knead dough; white dust down your apron (but this is not you as I once knew you, this is you as you are now - vague guide, weaving something new).

Tonight, I’ll follow you anywhere. Back through the dead elm leaves that follow me home (I don’t care if it’s not you as I once knew you, I know only you – whoever you are – can thread this world together now – merge dry leaf, burning leaf, crack of the heated space inside a hollow stem).


2. Dark Corridors

It moves around here at night, a thief over dry leaves in dream. Los Alamos, Sandia, Kirtland, White Sands. Through the bathroom vent, a sucking wind, cluck of an old woman, fingers boiled phosphor-blue. Beneath her nails, a shock of black in the blood. Daedalus: Copernicus: convoluted folds of the brain, a map through: the solution moves away, gets close: Galileo. Newton. Fascinating hole that creates itself. Crush and release. Einstein: suture of time, space: Oppenheimer, Teller, Szilard: inertial confinement fusion: rune of angular momentum: a new world safe: nonlinear tantra equation:

                                              To reveal the secret at the heart by making it.

The razor wire fence walks through the night. A hum behind the wall. No source. How it continues with or without you…


3. Lost Cells

Chatter into headsets the schizophrenic’s dream of eternal ethereal partners for all perpetual motion jaws no bird call no wind against dead leaf no symmetry of cathedral stone

No one will miss stone

Chatter laugh chatter text chatter lights chatter button chatter pricks the chatter skull aluminum foil chatter hat can’t stop chatter signals nothing but chatter across stars lost inside chatter

I will miss stone

(there’s a high, thin rattle of leaves, like mouse bone chimes or dried sugar-skulls, rolling toward their own kind. Can you hear it? Leave the last pay phone receiver dangling. Let the dead talk to the dead:

Hello?)


4. Circle of Scrub Oaks, Edge of Heron Lake

Auburn-gold leaves soon-to-be-brown they ring
a bleached juniper trunk they ring
wind in waves down the dry hillside swallowing broken stone they ring
the half-moon beat of black wings beneath the heart they ring
her empty sockets watching red soak up the last light they ring
my hands holding a tiny mouse bone they ring
her promise of death so close against my cheeks flamed by cold they ring
the dead silence after waking suddenly from a deafening dream of coyotes they ring
a sepulcher of shale reeds fossilized nail-polish bottles they ring
three blue birds in the morning squirting juniper seed shit into the cooking pot they ring
her empty eyes her blessed empty eyes haloes of dark matter giving birth:

an osprey dives
into the blue

sky


5. Salvation Army

Football radio-chatter cuts off. All of us suddenly dropped through the silence between jean-rack and rack of old sweaters, past macramé plant hangers, flower plate patterns, discarded corporate team-building seminar T-shirts, and faux-gold candle-holders (so many candle-holders).

His thin brown fingers slow-cinch a cracked leather belt around a tiny, shrunken waist. Her face, a face that will never close (cracked open, revealing black ash swirling through falling snow).

The born-again woman behind the register (pancake make-up, heavy rouge) smiles at a woman with four children in tow, coming in from the cold.

Hello.


6. Storm

Soft white flash folds the city in half, south-end pressed north. Rune of angular momentum. An audience of shock-blue faces stare through the bedroom window: lost ancestors who will still not accept the end. Water drums the roof loud as coyotes keening Time back to its origin:

chaos (non-linear tantra equation of lips at the back of the neck)
chaos (fingers curl, uncurl)
chaos (a new syllable startled out of the mouth)

A terrible skeleton tapdance: snakeskins clang against yellow leaves, mouse bones slip into the mouth of rolling broken bottles, condoms swallow spider husks - all the forgotten scattered things gathered into one swift river

cheek to thigh

  Thunder against the wall vibrates like ginger on the tongue

                                                    how it burns   
                                                 
                                                                          sweet


7. Spider in the Hospital Bathroom

She clings to tile, feels the table-flat underside of desert clouds, juniper hills, last yellow chamisa bloom on the road’s shoulder, cold web-shadow across sandstone

         (there is no water in the way she moves
                                quick down white strands to his throat
             
                        she is a necklace of quills.
           
          the end of his abdomen a bobbing mouth,
                                                                        empty gourd

                  his one free backleg struggles, kicks

             she pulls him deeper, 
                                             underneath the white canopy, 
                                                 and they hang together)
                                        

 The entire world inside her. The old secret, again and again:

                                           a trickle of sandstone dust sifts over sun-cracked green lichen

                                                                                      into my hands






November 2-8, 2006
Santa Fe, New Mexico


**********************************************************************
 
Meanwhile:

Booklist Starred Review for 
                        A Fish Trapped Inside the Wind



A Fish Trapped inside the Wind.



Gholson, Christien (author).

Oct. 2011. 268p. Parthian, paperback, $14.95 (9781906998905).  REVIEW. First published October 15, 2011 (Booklist).
  


Like the most finely cadenced, beautifully fanciful works of surrealism, this novel beckons with its subtle nuances before it leaps into a dazzling mastery that will ensnare even the casual reader. The town of Villon, Belgium, is experiencing an extremely odd phenomenon. Dead fish are strewn everywhere. Flung over yards and stoops and fields, the fish puzzle the residents no end as they speculate on the significance of such a bizarre happening. Other intersecting events include a rally meant to protest a decision to use local quarries as toxic dumps and the festival of St. Woelfred, who fled into the wilderness in the seventh century to live out her days reflecting in prayer. A rumored set of lost Rimbaud poems propels the action in ways unimaginable at the start yet utterly convincing by the conclusion. Gholson skillfully interweaves the individual stories of six main characters: a magician, a priest, a Rimbaud scholar, a journalist, a seer, and an aging lothario, who connect and conflict with one another in ways that ring true as each grapples with the choice of “walking through the mirror” of illusion—or not. Building to an extraordinary crescendo of an ending, Gholson’s poetic, purely magical, yet resoundingly human tale deserves a wide audience. — Julie Trevelyan